he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
is wine microwaveable?
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His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
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Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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