i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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