I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
