Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
