i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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