Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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