Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
