thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
