I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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