Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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