Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
