They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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