Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
