I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
