Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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