oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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