I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sext me about skeletons
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
