My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
