highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
