I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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