can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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