I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize