Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
