Whod you bang
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
