I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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