What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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