somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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