His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
