Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
