There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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