You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
