i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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