eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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