a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
