Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
