So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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