We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
