pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The air was thick with penises
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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