But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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