So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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