Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
