Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The ass gains better be worth it
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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