Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
