Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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