i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
