i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
