A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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