This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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