That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Use "feeling words"
Yay
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
