we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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