when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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