"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just had sex on a roof
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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