I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
