did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
