Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
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bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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