I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.