Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
