im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.