can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year