Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?

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  (949): Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse? http://tfl.nu/h2ii
  Replies (21) Good night (2892) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)

  (214): View more from Texas

  Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.

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  (281): ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one) (214): Your grandmother is in heaven weeping. http://tfl.nu/odlj
  Replies (15) Good night (2381) Bad night (841)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  we made out on top of his cat.

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  (503): we made out on top of his cat. http://tfl.nu/6lsk
  Replies (18) Good night (1209) Bad night (2721) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.

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  (978): I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb. http://tfl.nu/h3os
  Replies (4) Good night (3861) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark

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  (206): I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark http://tfl.nu/8yek
  Replies (50) Good night (3569) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout

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  (215): I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout http://tfl.nu/qm9m
  Replies (11) Good night (6151) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  Life is so much better after having sex.

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  (858): Life is so much better after having sex. http://tfl.nu/blju
  Replies (39) Good night (11126) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....

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  (970): just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address.... http://tfl.nu/ivpp
  Replies (28) Good night (6123) Bad night (1890) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing

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  (917): I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing http://tfl.nu/4nw4
  Replies (29) Good night (3215) Bad night (4407) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.

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  (909): She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle. http://tfl.nu/v9v9
  Replies (4) Good night (3823) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.

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  (309): I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights. http://tfl.nu/c1hf
  Replies (5) Good night (1503) Bad night (1138) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..

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  (412): Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza.. http://tfl.nu/7ino
  Replies (3) Good night (502) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night

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  (785): This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night http://tfl.nu/pu91
  Replies (6) Good night (969) Bad night (305)
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  (619): View more from California

  He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.

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  (619): He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating. http://tfl.nu/k9pn
  Replies (9) Good night (693) Bad night (2145) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?

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  (908): do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"? http://tfl.nu/vbms
  Replies (3) Good night (706) Bad night (240) Order T-Shirt

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