The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my shit smells like andre
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?