btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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