That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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