He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
