Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We had to coat check the pizza.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
A+ Viking dick
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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