I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
